Working with Trauma Survivors in Mediation

In this time of increased intentional violence both in our communities and in war zones throughout the world, in this time of increased unintentional violence - tornadoes, hurricanes, flooding, those of us in service professions are presented more and more with survivors of trauma, both emotional and physical. As mediators we must be prepared to structure our mediation practice so that survivors are able to effectively discuss issues in conflict, develop options to resolve them and make informed decisions with good judgement. We must be able to serve those sent to us or requesting mediation in a safe, open environment, with sessions that are structured to help clients mediate in their own best interest. I urge all of you in the mediation field to take training on Working with Trauma Survivors in Mediation as well as training on working with Domestic Abuse and its implications for mediation. Also, keep in touch with us at www.partnersinmediation.com for information on our trainings which will be offered in the near future. The other website to visit frequently is www.mediate.com for articles on mediation.

Domestic Abuse and Its Impact on Mediation

Many family and divorce mediators are unaware of the impact that domestic abuse has on the mediation process and ultimately the safety of the victim. Often both new mediators and those with vast experience in the field have little or no understanding of the dynamics of domestic abuse/violence. Certainly the popular media has addressed the theory of the cycle of violence, and made for TV movies often address domestic abuse/violence, and although most people are familiar with the terms, the family mediator must be especially aware of how this issue impacts this process. They must have a solid understanding of the dynamics, know how to assess for Domestic Violence, decide whether or not the parties are appropriate for mediation and know how to structure a conditional mediation if this method of conflict resolution is deemed appropriate.

Sowing Seeds of Mediation

It's satisfying to know the results of your efforts. As a mediator, I am often active in the process when agreements are reached, conflict resolved or relationships strengthened. Sometimes, agreement, resolution or relationship occur long after clients have left my office for the last time. These are no less satisfying, but are usually unknown.

As a mediation trainer, I train many men and women who express an interest in mediation. Only a few of them take up the flag to embark on a career in the mediation field. About 18 months ago, Partners in Mediation, Inc. trained 4 educators from Northern Kentucky University. We subsequently trained many more members of the NKU community.

In the past 9 months or so, NKU has opened its Alternative Dispute Resolution Center. What a thrill to see that so many of these dynamic and insightful former "trainees" are actively involved in this important program offered by the university. It is indeed satisfying to me to know that I have been involved from the start in shepherding these neophyte mediators from their introduction to the concept through to the unveiling of the Center.

Mediation Training For Everyone

We have recently concluded our September Basic Mediation Training, and in the midst of a discussion one of the participants asked, "Can I use this in my everyday life?" In a nutshell, the compelling argument for everyone to take mediation training. We teach new skills, but mainly we help the participants look at new ways of using skills they already have, and we help to develop and strengthen where appropriate. Mediation is about communication, and effective communication. That takes practice. We as a species aren't that good at it. So we practice, using those particular skills that enhance understanding, encourage exchange, and promote dialogue. If we can achieve understanding, exchange of ideas and dialogue in mediation, we often find ourselves in the neighborhood of resolution. Because most disagreements, most disputes and most conflicts arise from misunderstanding and miscommunication.
Mediation training is offered throughout the country, and typically at very reasonable cost. Many mediation trainers are willing to come to your school, business, agency or any other group to train the staff, the class or whatever group you have. Imagine the increases in productivity that could result from the reduction in disputes between employees, or the other benefits that might result from mediation training. Let us know what you think. We're happy to discuss it with you.

ELDERCARE MEDIATION

How often have you heard, "I just don't know what to do with mom and dad. They are getting older and I don't think they can take care of themselves anymore. My siblings won't help and I am stuck doing everything!" Often there comes a time in adult lives when an aging parent, grandparent, sibling, need care. In times of crisis, when adult children have to make these care decisions for parents, they are often confused, stressed and overwhelmed. Siblings may disagree about the best course of action, parents may feel ignored if not consulted about his or her own care. Often care requirements and responsibility for an aging parent falls more heavily on one sibling causing resentment and exhaustion.

Mediation is an excellent resource for families in time of the care issue crisis. Mediation is a professionally facilitated process which helps people in dispute solve problems creatively and peacefully. Mediation helps maintain relationships in that it is a safe place for family members to discuss difficult, important matters and express feelings. Mediation is also a way to educate the parties about how to solve problems in the future.

We understand the difficulties that families in this situation face. At your convenience, we will come to your home, the care facility or meet with you in our offices. We also offer telephone conference mediation which keeps distant family members involved in decision making.

Peace is easily maintained;
Trouble is easily overcome before it starts.
The brittle is easily shattered:
The small is easily scattered.
Deal with it before it happens.
Set things in order before there is confusion.
Lao Tsu, Tao Te Ching

PEACEFUL DIVORCE POSSIBLE WITH MEDIATION

When a friend was going through a divorce 15 years ago her husband suggested that they go to divorce mediation as a form of dispute resolution in order to resolve property and custody issues. My friend was absolutely opposed to being in the same room with her soon to be ex and refused. Four years later after many hours spent with attorneys and in courtroom battles where decisions about the family's future were made by strangers, my friend was divorced. As a support system for her and other people going through the devastating process we call divorce, I frequently see families going through horrendous emotional and financial distress - distress that may take years from which to recover.

Divorce litigation not only allows strangers to make life decisions for families but also may encourage aggressive behavior and high conflict between spouses. Often the conflict bleeds over onto other members of the family, most often the children. Couples who are in conflict anyway go into high gear when in divorce court. Affidavits are filed telling of grievous actions by both spouses, both parties ask to be named custodian of the children pulling out all the dirty laundary about the other parent and often both ask for a large chunk of the other spouses wages for settlement. Divorce litigation does not encourage cooperative between parties, instead it encourages a win/lose at any cost concept. Divorce does not tear families apart, conflict does.

There is hope for couples terminating a marriage. Divorce Mediation is a cooperative process where parents work together to shape the future for their children and themselves. Mediation works to keep conflict low, encourages a business-like relationship for parents, and helps couples keep children out of the middle. During mediation sessions I hear parents state that they want what is best for their children. In response, I tell my clients in mediation that the best gift they can give to their children after divorce or separation is peaceful, cooperative parenting. Mediation can help.

Welcome to Our Mediation Blog

Here are some basic facts about mediation that you may be interested in!

THE FACTS:

• Mediation is the use of an impartial person to help parties in conflict make informed decisions while empowering them to find their own solutions to problems.
  
• Mediation is a voluntary settlement process based on a win/win concept of dispute resolution.
  
• Mediation is less costly, both emotionally and financially, than litigation.
  
• Mediation helps the parties understand the problem and each other better.
  
• Mediation solves the problem and helps the parties maintain their relationship.
  
• Mediation is confidential and avoids public disclosure of problems.
  
• Mediation can be completed in less time and with less cost than litigation so that everyone can move on.
  
• Mediation is a process which is cooperative and constructive.
  
• Mediation is scheduled at your convenience, not at the convenience of the court.

IN FAMILIES:

• Mediation helps you make decisions together about how you will parent your children after divorce or separation.
  
• ediation can help you learn how to effectively communicate with each other about your children in a business like manner.
  
• Mediation allows you to write your own parenting plan specific to your needs and the needs of your children.
  
• Mediation helps keep the children out of the middle of the conflict and if parents agree, may give them a place to voice their concerns.
  
• Mediation helps educate you about how to resolve conflicts in the future.
  
• Mediation is being recognized by courts all around the world as a better way to resolve parenting issues.

IN BUSINESS:

• Because you can access mediation more quickly, you have a greater opportunity to preserve existing relationships. Problems which are promptly addressed don't have the ability to fester and poison the workplace atmosphere.
  
• 
  Mediation allows the people involved in a dispute to sit down, outside the glare of co-workers, and to talk about the problem
  
• Mediation significantly reduces the amount of time diverted from your business.
  
• Mediation allows the individuals involved in a dispute to arrive at solutions that work for them, and can be as creative as they are.
  
• Mediation helps co-workers, supervisors, and others involved to increase their level of communication, and consequently their trust.
  
• Mediation allows all participants to be treated with respect.
  Research shows that job satisfcation and commintment to the team goal incread as team members believe their voice is heard within the organization.
  

IN COMMUNITIES:

• Mediation helps neighbors solve problems together
  
• Mediation provides a forum for every voice to be heard respectfully and attentively.
  
• Mediation is a proven avenue for resolving disputes, more quickly, more economically and more completely than the more traditional civil litigation.
  
• Mediation is conducted in a non-adversarial forum which allows people to maintain healthy relationships;therby keeping the community healthy
  

IN SCHOOLS:

• Mediation can be scheduled quickly, so that problems can be addressed and resolved expediently.
  
• Mediation brings together the stakeholders-adminstrators, teachers, partnets, students-in a postivie atmosphere that encourages cooperation, no coercion.
  
• Mediation enchances communication between and among groups that may otherwise view each other as hostile.
  
• Mediation provides students with a model for conflict resolution, which gives them an important tool for their future.
  

PERSONAL INJURY:

• In Mediation, the participants know their costs up front, and con focus on solving the dispute rather than worrying about the litigation expenses.
  
• Mediation allows people to maintain their privacy about medical issues by not having them discussed in court.
  
• In Mediation, people are encouraged to ask questions to better understand the process and the other person, whereas litigation can be confusing and frustrating for non-attorneys
  
• Mediation provides an expediant settlement and avoids the possiblities of long costly appeals
  
• Mediation allows people to move on and start healing, without centering their lives around an on-going legal battle.

REAL ESTATE:

• Mediation provides buyers, sellers and agents a neutral forum for resolving disputes
  
• Mediation offers a prompt and convenient opportunity to work out problems, and save the deal, even on threatened at the last minute
  
• Mediation occurs in a confidential setting
  Mediated settlements are much more likely than cour or arbitration decisions to be fulfilled by all parties.

To find out if Mediation is right for you please visit our website: http://www.partnersinmediation.com