The 7 Most Common Mistakes When Trying To Win Back Your Ex Girlfriend
After a breakup, it is normal to feel upset and hurt.
Keep in mind though that when we are upset, we often make more and bigger mistakes and these mistakes can make it more difficult for you to win back your ex-girlfriend.
You may know this famous quote: "Smart men learn from their mistakes. Geniuses learn from the mistakes of others."
So let us look at some of the most common mistakes you need to avoid in order to win back your ex-girlfriend successfully.
1. ACTING DESPERATE
Acting desperate or needy is probably the most common mistake guys make after a breakup. To win back your ex-girlfriend, you need to stop needy behaviors as soon as possible.
Are you doing any of the following:
Ask yourself: What woman would want to get back with someone who acts needy and desperate? Yet people do this all the time.
Why is this mistake so common?
One of the reasons is that in romantic movies you will often see people getting back together when the man does something "romantic" or tells his ex that he cannot live without her. But in real life, things do not work that way.
You need to do things differently to win back your ex-girlfriend.
If you want to win back your ex girlfriend – first and foremost, you need to keep your dignity and self-respect. This will not only help you win back your ex girlfriend, but will also make you feel better about yourself.
2. CONTACTING HER TOO OFTEN
It is a very common mistake to think that your ex-girlfriend does not understand how much she means to you. And so it is very common to see guys contacting their ex-girlfriend all the time – phone calls, surprise visits, messages. . .
Let's face it: Your ex has made up her mind. This decision did not come out of the blue and so it is unlikely that showing her how much she means to you will change her mind now. There are much better ways to win back your ex-girlfriend.
In fact, many guides say that soon after a break up you should stop contacting your ex-girlfriend altogether for at least 30 days. This is known as the No Contact Rule, or simply NC.
How can the No Contact Rule help you?
First of all, pestering your ex-girlfriend with calls and messages will NOT suddenly convince her to change her mind about breaking up with you. In fact, it will only annoy her and decrease your chances of getting back your ex-girlfriend.
The beautiful thing about the No Contact Rule is that in most cases, it will make your ex-girlfriend curious and she will want to contact YOU. It can take a few days or several weeks until she decides to contact you, so you need to be patient. Use this time wisely to prepare a sound plan of action to win back your ex-girlfriend.
3. ARGUING WITH THE EX
Although many of us make the mistake of acting desperate, some guys go the other way and have huge conflicts with their ex-girlfriends. If you want to win back your ex-girlfriend, arguments and conflicts will certainly not help you win her back.
If you are someone who has been fighting with his ex-girlfriend, one of the best things you can do is to write her a friendly letter saying two things:
In general, wait until SHE decides to contact you again after that, and then be friendly – but not needy or desperate. This will increase your chances to successfully win back your ex-girlfriend.
By being friendly with your exgirlfriend in this way, you can slowly start seducing her again. And it should be easier the second time since you already know what she likes.
4. TRYING TO MAKE HER JEALOUS
You may be considering making your ex-girlfriend jealous by getting another girl. IF you want to win back your ex-girlfriend, then making her jealous will not help in the long run.
You may succeed in making her jealous, but do you really want to deal with all the negative consequences of this? Your ex may decide that you have moved on and may stop trying to win back with you even if she wants to.
Making your ex-girlfriend jealous can have other unexpected side-effects as well: even if you do succeed to win back your ex-girlfriend, she may hold a grudge against you.
In other words, making her jealous now can poison your relationship for a long time to come and will make it more difficult to win back your ex-girlfriend for good.
5. TRYING TO WIN HER BACK TOO FAST
Another common mistake is trying to win back your ex-girlfriend too fast. Many guys jump at the first sign that their ex girlfriend may still be interested in a relationship with them. Professing your undying love the first time she decides to call you is simply not the best idea.
To win back your ex-girlfriend, it is usually much better to allow her back into your life in smaller steps. Remember that she may also need more space for some time. Think of it as a start of a new relationship where you seduce her again slowly. This approach increases your chances of a successful relationship later on.
6. ISOLATING YOURSELF FROM PEOPLE
After a breakup many of us make the mistake of isolating ourselves from friends and people in general.
Having been there, let me tell you: it may be hard initially to make that first step and get out into the world again. But it is well worth it.
Socialize, take up a hobby, do whatever you enjoy. Meet people, talk about this and that, even if initially you do not feel like you want to do this. All this will help you win back your ex-girlfriend later on.
It may take a few times of going out before you start to see the positive effects of this.
This will help you a lot once you get in contact with your ex-girlfriend again. Seeing that you are NOT miserable will make you much more attractive to her. Your whole attitude will be lighter and more optimistic - and this cannot be faked.
It can hardly be overstated how important a positive, light attitude is to win back your ex-girlfriend.
It can take time to get through the difficult feelings the breakup brought up. For this, see our article on coping with breakups. Until you feel better again, you should not try to win back your ex-girlfriend.
7. LISTENING TO THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
It is also important to get your thoughts off your ex-girlfriend and the breakup, or you risk becoming obsessed and miserable due to all the negative self-talk:
Keep in mind though that when we are upset, we often make more and bigger mistakes and these mistakes can make it more difficult for you to win back your ex-girlfriend.
You may know this famous quote: "Smart men learn from their mistakes. Geniuses learn from the mistakes of others."
So let us look at some of the most common mistakes you need to avoid in order to win back your ex-girlfriend successfully.
1. ACTING DESPERATE
Acting desperate or needy is probably the most common mistake guys make after a breakup. To win back your ex-girlfriend, you need to stop needy behaviors as soon as possible.
Are you doing any of the following:
- Begging her for forgiveness
- Telling her you need her so much
- Saying you cannot live without her
- Explaining why you need to stay together
- Buying flowers or gifts for her
Ask yourself: What woman would want to get back with someone who acts needy and desperate? Yet people do this all the time.
Why is this mistake so common?
One of the reasons is that in romantic movies you will often see people getting back together when the man does something "romantic" or tells his ex that he cannot live without her. But in real life, things do not work that way.
You need to do things differently to win back your ex-girlfriend.
If you want to win back your ex girlfriend – first and foremost, you need to keep your dignity and self-respect. This will not only help you win back your ex girlfriend, but will also make you feel better about yourself.
2. CONTACTING HER TOO OFTEN
It is a very common mistake to think that your ex-girlfriend does not understand how much she means to you. And so it is very common to see guys contacting their ex-girlfriend all the time – phone calls, surprise visits, messages. . .
Let's face it: Your ex has made up her mind. This decision did not come out of the blue and so it is unlikely that showing her how much she means to you will change her mind now. There are much better ways to win back your ex-girlfriend.
In fact, many guides say that soon after a break up you should stop contacting your ex-girlfriend altogether for at least 30 days. This is known as the No Contact Rule, or simply NC.
How can the No Contact Rule help you?
First of all, pestering your ex-girlfriend with calls and messages will NOT suddenly convince her to change her mind about breaking up with you. In fact, it will only annoy her and decrease your chances of getting back your ex-girlfriend.
The beautiful thing about the No Contact Rule is that in most cases, it will make your ex-girlfriend curious and she will want to contact YOU. It can take a few days or several weeks until she decides to contact you, so you need to be patient. Use this time wisely to prepare a sound plan of action to win back your ex-girlfriend.
3. ARGUING WITH THE EX
Although many of us make the mistake of acting desperate, some guys go the other way and have huge conflicts with their ex-girlfriends. If you want to win back your ex-girlfriend, arguments and conflicts will certainly not help you win her back.
If you are someone who has been fighting with his ex-girlfriend, one of the best things you can do is to write her a friendly letter saying two things:
- that you understand her decision to break up and
- that you agree with the break up.
In general, wait until SHE decides to contact you again after that, and then be friendly – but not needy or desperate. This will increase your chances to successfully win back your ex-girlfriend.
By being friendly with your exgirlfriend in this way, you can slowly start seducing her again. And it should be easier the second time since you already know what she likes.
4. TRYING TO MAKE HER JEALOUS
You may be considering making your ex-girlfriend jealous by getting another girl. IF you want to win back your ex-girlfriend, then making her jealous will not help in the long run.
You may succeed in making her jealous, but do you really want to deal with all the negative consequences of this? Your ex may decide that you have moved on and may stop trying to win back with you even if she wants to.
Making your ex-girlfriend jealous can have other unexpected side-effects as well: even if you do succeed to win back your ex-girlfriend, she may hold a grudge against you.
In other words, making her jealous now can poison your relationship for a long time to come and will make it more difficult to win back your ex-girlfriend for good.
5. TRYING TO WIN HER BACK TOO FAST
Another common mistake is trying to win back your ex-girlfriend too fast. Many guys jump at the first sign that their ex girlfriend may still be interested in a relationship with them. Professing your undying love the first time she decides to call you is simply not the best idea.
To win back your ex-girlfriend, it is usually much better to allow her back into your life in smaller steps. Remember that she may also need more space for some time. Think of it as a start of a new relationship where you seduce her again slowly. This approach increases your chances of a successful relationship later on.
6. ISOLATING YOURSELF FROM PEOPLE
After a breakup many of us make the mistake of isolating ourselves from friends and people in general.
Having been there, let me tell you: it may be hard initially to make that first step and get out into the world again. But it is well worth it.
Socialize, take up a hobby, do whatever you enjoy. Meet people, talk about this and that, even if initially you do not feel like you want to do this. All this will help you win back your ex-girlfriend later on.
It may take a few times of going out before you start to see the positive effects of this.
This will help you a lot once you get in contact with your ex-girlfriend again. Seeing that you are NOT miserable will make you much more attractive to her. Your whole attitude will be lighter and more optimistic - and this cannot be faked.
It can hardly be overstated how important a positive, light attitude is to win back your ex-girlfriend.
It can take time to get through the difficult feelings the breakup brought up. For this, see our article on coping with breakups. Until you feel better again, you should not try to win back your ex-girlfriend.
7. LISTENING TO THE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
It is also important to get your thoughts off your ex-girlfriend and the breakup, or you risk becoming obsessed and miserable due to all the negative self-talk:
- I am not good enough
- I will never find someone as good as her
- It is all my fault
- If only I didn't do this and that
Focusing on other things, especially things you enjoy or like doing, will help you get your mind off your ex and the
negative self-talk. If you are so inclined, you can also try silencing your mind in meditation or do relaxation
exercises. Getting a massage can work wonders too.
FINAL WORDS
It helps a lot to have a good guide on how to win back your ex-girlfriend. We highly recommend The Ex Recovery System and the
Get Her Back For Good Guide.
These guides helped thousands of guys win back their ex-girlfriends, even in seemingly hopeless situations...