Go East, Young Woman

I’m sick of all this “igloos and maple syrup” branding that Canada seems to have, and the winter Olympics opening ceremonies aren’t helping.

Worse even are all those Canadians who think Tim Hortons should be on our national flag — c’mon guys, we can do better than a shitty coffee shop chain owned by Americans.

Without further ado, here’s ten awesome things from Canada

1. The Arcade Fire’s first album: David Bowie loves it, and you will too.
2. Ghislain Poirier: if this Montreal DJ can’t get you dancing, it’s because you’re dead.
3. Bagels, cream cheese and smoked salmon available 24 hours/day, including and especially Sunday morning brunch.
4. BC Bud: some of the best marijuana in the world + liberal drug laws = awesome.
5. Sunday morning dim sum with your friends. Toronto is, like, 50% Chinese and we won’t even talk about Hongkouver Make yourself some Chinese friends and grab some dim sum already.
6. Piknik electronic: To see every single famous DJ to roll into Montreal, you could either pay 30+$/pop to crowd into a club with a bunch of overdressed cokeheads on Sat night, or you could ride your bike down to Parc Jean-Drapeau every Sunday afternoon, pay 5$, and dance your ass off in a crowd of gay club kids, hot French-Canadian girls, and little kids eating ice cream cones.
7. Space: Canada is HUGE, mofos, we have space to move around and breathe. That’s why half of Tokyo and HK is trying to move here.
8. Vice Magazine: everyone thinks the is from NY, but it was actually started by two Montreal heroin addicts trying to scam welfare.
9. Going to the sugar shack: I know I’m bored of everyone thinking Canada is all about maple syrup, but let’s face it, maple syrup is awesome. The sugar shack is the height of cheesy, but everyone loves it: you can eat meat pies, ride in a horse-drawn sleigh, and eat maple taffy poured on the clean snow. It doesn’t get any better than that.
10. Crackberries: next time you’re typing on your crackberry, say a little “Oh Canada”, coz we invented that shit. Two dropouts from the University of Waterloo founded RIM, makers of the Blackberry.

What’s your favorite stuff from Canada?