it sounds like a groovy sixties album title.. it isn’t really.. I found out just before my third treatment that i have it.. i am neutropenic, another thing to be, its having a very low white blood cell count and your white blood cells are your immune system. It is normal for your white blood cell count to drop going through chemotherapy but some people are very sensitive to the chemo and it gets too low. Thats me. Its not a bad thing really there have been studies that suggest that people who are that sensitive have a better success rate with the chemo drugs. So thats fine, the down side is the increased risk of infection and having to take another drug called neupogen and its side effects which normally include sever bone pain (neupogen causes your bone marrow to go into overtime producing more white blood cells, you feel the ache in your bones). The Neupogen has to be injected under the skin for five days following chemo treatments so the after my third treatment where my white blood count was down to 0.1 (but the treatment was fine, calm and alright, i am used to it, just reading magazines with my mum) i went back into the hospital in the morning for a clinic called ‘Look Good, Feel Better’. It was a nice thing, other women in various stages of my position and myself led by some other nice ladies about dealing with the trials of makeup and hair and cancer. I got lots of nice products for free and some good tips, the main being under no circumstances share your makeup with anyone else because of the risk of infection. It was fun sitting around trying out the new products and the makeup tips they suggested. Afterwards a couple of us stayed and talked a little bit about what we were going through. They were all older then me and had breast cancer though one woman had had Hodgkins when she was 26 so it was interesting to talk to her about that but her treatment was completely different. They were strong brave women talking casually about where to get the best fake breasts fitted. I sat rather quietly marveled.
I then headed down to the Lymphoma centre with my first vial of neupogen on an ice pack to get the nurse there to do the injection. I told her i eventually wanted to do it myself so she walked me through getting it out of the vile, switching the needle to a smaller gauge for the injection, getting the air out of the syringe (the best part, you feel so professional!) and the angle of attack. she did it to me though she put it in my arm. No problem. No headaches or bone pain and it continues that way through the 5 days. A lovely nurse came to my house the next day and walked me through the process again though she put it in my leg so i would know what that feels like since it is an easier place for me to do it myself. The next day she supervised while i did it. the worse part was making my hand move forward to stick it in. I said in a frantic voice with the needle poised two inches above my thigh squeezed up with my other hand ‘do i do it now? now? now?’ Calmly she said ‘take a deep breath and then just do it’ i breathed in and plunged my hand forward. Really there is no resistance and no feeling of pain, a little bit slowly squeezing the syringe but not bad at all. I did it, i wanted to go away for the weekend so i needed to be able to do it myself. It was great to have that as a motivator. The next day with friends sitting around i did it calmly and professionally. I have great friends they were fascinated and so supportive. It was a great weekend running around in the snow and eating and talking and no bone pain at all, i would feel the slightest ripple of something in my shoulder or chest but nothing even really to speak about.
Since then i have been having a great time going out, playing bass in a friends band and shopping in kensington market.
Feeling psychedelic and groovy.
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